You know what? I need to not be the "Oh, it's alright.. don't worry.. You made the right decision" man, when I don't agree with a person's actions, nor my own words. No, nobody's perfect. I don't mind admitting that. But there are people that do things which make me physically stop what I'm doing at the time, and ask myself, "how did this person or that person get to be so ______?"

I mustn't be hypocritical in my actions. It doesn't sit well with me, and it never has. Yes, I feel extremely good when I make someone else feel happy -- but in retrospect, there are so many things that I should have said, but never did. My silence and conciliatory words have been condoning things that I, Peter Musser, do not condone! I haven't been true to the one person who I should be true to above all others:

Myself.

It seems so simple: if I were to be true to myself, then I could be true to others -- but I'm afraid that if I'm true to others, they won't like me anymore.

...

Fuck.

I need to not be selfish. Like I said before, my inactions do more harm to other people than anything I could ever say, simply because I don't want to feel the sharp pain of rejection. Oh, how I talk myself in these circles -- first, admitting what I do is wrong, and then mentally justifying it, and then condemning it once more. Well, I've had it.

I will not put my comfort over the needs of others.
I will not say something nice when what needs to be said is brutally honest.
I will grimace when it hurts, but I will not back down.
I will be the friend that I should have always been, but rarely was.

-Peter